Driving back from an outreach site my work twin shared with me some personal things going on in her life. She asked for my advice or perspective on how to handle the situation but the question quickly changed to how could she be more like me. Unfortunately she has come to know me as a person who knows how to, “cut things off” or “put things in their place” in my life. She wanted to know how did I manage to keep my work life separate from my personal life. How did I successfully live such a compartmentalized life?
My heart grew sad for her because she could never understand the depth of who I really was at that moment. I say was because I am working hard to no longer be the person who she has come to know over the last two and half years that we have worked together. I shared with her that she didn’t want to be like me in that area. I cautioned her that what she was seeing was a misuse and misunderstanding of discernment.
My issues with trust caused me to put up walls that seemed to protect me from hurt but it also kept me from people that I was meant to connect with and learn from. Discernment and distrust are not meant to be synonymous. Discernment is a dependence on something bigger than you (God) to know how to respond. Distrust is simply you depending on what you believe to be true to know how to respond.
For the last few months God has been talking to me about being more transparent but honestly I have been too afraid of the outcome so I had not been obedient. It was not until I was invited to a women’s conference by my mentor that I understood the importance of being transparent. I did not start telling all of my business to any and everyone willing to listen but I began to tear down my walls of distrust by being open to allowing God to lead rather than my emotions. My protective nature was trumped by allowing God to be my protector.
I told my work twin not to change who she was but to choose to use discernment instead of distrust. I cautioned her to not to allow her hurt to cause her to confuse the two. Pain can be a motivator BUT we just have to choose if we will allow it to keep us from everything or just the thing that looks painful or the one specific thing that caused us pain.
Just another day’s journey learning to tear down my self erected walls of protection and allowing God to be my protection. Peace.
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