As a recovering perfectionist, I can honestly say that failure never felt so good. I have avoided failure or at least tried to avoid failure by not rocking the boat and doing just enough to “get by” for far too long. It wasn’t until tonight that I realized that I have been living my life in neutral because I was afraid of getting hurt, rejected, disappointed, failing, or being wrong. On the flip side I was also afraid of hurting or disappointing others as well. I played it safe.
While I have had some very exciting opportunities I have not allowed myself to fully enjoy them because of who I have been in the past. All summer my new little sister in Christ has told me to stop being so hard on myself and I would think “I am not hard enough but ok.” I was trying to obtain a picture perfect lifestyle in everything that I attempted and if I failed no matter how small it seemed huge. I don’t want to live my life like that anymore. Today, I choose to no longer live in a bubble that has been protecting me from all the possibilities of failure and fully embrace the opportunity to fail without an internal lecture of how “I could have, should have or would have been.” Will this new adventure be scary? Absolutely but I do not want to come to my last hour and be full of regrets of what I didn’t write, wear, say, do, or become.
Today I failed at something that would normally take me out of this game. I would feel sorry for myself and hide my head from the problem. Nope not today. I failed. So what. I learned not to do what I did to fail again and it’s time to move forward. I have a life to fully live.
Just another day’s journey of failing great! Peace.