Can I be honest? I committed a sin once and I thought that it had disqualified me from what God had called me to do. For years I listened to the lies of the devil told me that I was disqualified for what I had done. Never mind that I had seen examples of this sin in the bible where the person was redeemed. I only partially saw one example and it wasn’t even a correct view of the person in their sin.
I shut everything down and lived in the shadows of my past chasing me down to shame me. Then God allowed me to hear His Word again. A simple scripture that I have heard before but because I had never heard or read any other translation nor took the time to do a study on it I missed it. Romans 11:29 says in the Amplified version, “For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.]” I am not disqualified.
To think that I have spent years wasted hiding in the shadows of my shame and not actively pursuing God’s instructions to me. How many people have I missed sharing that despite the mistakes that they have made, God still loves them? I guess that I had to learn that lesson and really get it in my head first so that they could hear my heart.
When you know who you are in God, you don’t need validation from anyone. I guess all these years I was looking for someone to give me a free pass. I was looking for someone to tell me that my sins have been forgiven and washed away clean but I forgot that Jesus already did that for me. As I reflect on Jesus sacrifice on the cross having the knowledge of things that I would do and not do, I’m in awe of His love for me.
I don’t take it lightly that there are some who cannot or will not be able to get past the choice that I made. What I have learned is that it is not my responsibility to make them feel whole again. I refuse to carry the burden of someone else’s lack of forgiveness. That is their stuff. My heart goes out to them because I know what it is like to have disappointments and to feel let down. All I can offer those who do not understand is my truth and how I learned to let go.
Please do not mistake my joyful walk for arrogance that allows me to forget the sorrow that I caused. That realization came from reading Romans 8:1 which tells me that, There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. The smile that I have is from knowing that Jesus put that smile back on my face. He is a redeemer and how dare I not allow him to redeem me of my poor choices.
The sin that I committed is not necessary to know. All you need to know is that the same joy that I have, you can have, too. Romans 8:1 is for you, too.
Just another day’s journey of remembering that I can have joy after my sin, too. Peace.
Just Another Day's Journey 
I hear you on this. I come back to this mindset sometimes, thinking that surely after all these tries, God doesn’t want to give me another. His love is amazing. So much so, I often can’t even fully grasp it.
Thank you for taking the time to visit. We have to remember that God is redeemed us so we don’t have to live in the shadows of our past. Keep walking in joy.