Grieving Change and Moving Forward

Hey family.

Does anyone want to be honest about change being a challenge? How is it that most people have a hard time adjusting to change when it is what we as humans do all day every day. Our bodies and minds are changing every single day. We get older, wiser, wider, thinner and so on but no one makes a sound but the moment that something outside of us changes, we want it all to stay the same. 

We don’t want anything to change because we are comfortable. Keeping things the same helps us to have some type of certainty in our lives especially since we are dealing with an everchanging body and mind. We need our jobs, family, politics, church, education systems to stay the same. Unfortunately, all these things change and we have to decide if we are going to stay stunted or grow.

An organization that I belong to made a major change about two years ago to move all of it’s education from paper to an all-digital format. Although there have been some hiccups along the way, the new program ran similarly to the old program. Long time members have complained about things are not the same and therefore they no longer want any parts of the new thing. A lot of them didn’t even give the new thing a chance. There are some who for the past two years have stayed to complain about how the new system is of no value and it is the worst thing since lip-syncing at a live concert.

They didn’t give the new thing a chance. Their argument was whenever they were challenged on their perspective was that no one was listening to them. They didn’t feel heard or seen. What they were really saying is that the organization did not agree with them and they felt like they were being left behind. No one wants to feel like they no longer have value or what they have been doing is outdated. 

Change feels like it moves your personal experiences aside in favor of the new experiences. The truth is that change honors the past while moving forward. Sometimes we are too busy ignoring our grief over the loss that we cannot see it in the moment. Everything feels like it’s moving so fast that we don’t get a chance to acknowledge the hurt and the pain over time once lived.

I have had my own battle with change. Sometimes I deal with it and sometimes I hide from it for as long as I can. Because of the work that I do in therapy change sometimes feels like its on steroids. LOL Acknowledging the loss of a person, place, or thing that has been a part of my life has been heavy at times. It’s been so heavy that I have cried fresh tears for the loss. 

Our country is changing. Our world is changing and most of us have not taken a moment to grieve what was. Most of us have not taken the time to grieve a change in our expectations. You’re not angry with your neighbor about their audacity to believe something different or expect change. It’s grief. Acknowledge it. Cry fresh tears. It’s ok.

After the tears honor your past by choosing to move into the future. Make adjustments along the way and give yourself permission to miss what was while still moving forward. Peace.

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