Sowing and Reaping

I have been avoiding writing this post for a while. I guess I have avoided it because I am embarrassed to admit that not only am I flawed but I am reaping the penalty of being full of pride. Walk with me on this journey.

God has a great sense of humor. I work with someone who reminds me so much of me as I was a few years back and it is almost scary. Most of the things that this person does I laugh to myself about. I ask myself, “Is this how I used to behave? Was I really this bad? Was I really this intense”

Here’s my confession. I used to be an educational snob. An educational snob believes that education alone allows for progress and promotion on a job. Ironically they may have received God’s favor for their job but seem to forget or it was a special case for them. They also believe that if their co-workers want to get ahead in life that they must have a higher education. Again forgetting about the favor of God. They think that by sharing their unsolicited feelings with their co-workers they are encouraging them to achieve some unspoken level of success that they secretly don’t actually feel. They belittle those around them without their level of education under the guise of loving all things related to education. Their suggestions are always subtle and never overt as this would be against “the code.” (smhl at the foolishness)

I share all of this so that you can understand how I painfully reaped what I sowed. My co-worker made snide remarks like I used to and generally I shake them off as her being inexperienced with the workforce and being classist (which she admits). One day she alluded to me being incapable of understanding the needs of clients due to my lack of her level of higher education. I hit the roof and was at a loss for words. I was so angry that I could not think straight or talk to clients.

I had finally reaped a hard ugly harvest of all the mean, nasty, prideful things that I thought I said innocently to others. My heart physically hurt and at some point in that day God reminded me of how I had cut people over the years with my nice nasty words. He reminded me of how I encouraged people to be more like me rather than empowering them to be more like God. He reminded me that what I was trying to do was create carbon copies of an imperfect me rather than a perfect God. I had misused my gift of encouragement for the wrong purpose and now God allowed me to feel the pain that I inflicted.

Unfortunately I cannot take back those words that I said to people in an attempt to manipulate them to do things my way. What I can do is watch my words and listen carefully to what others want. I can help them to explore their heart’s desire rather than my mind’s vision for them. I can sincerely hear their heart and ask permission to share. I can also do as my patient’s say when they finally get their sobriety and “choose to listen and with that I’ll keep coming back.”

Just another day’s journey of carefully and cautiously sowing and reaping. Peace.

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