I was sitting here thinking about this organization where I am board member and wondering about my role within the organization. From the time that I have been connected in some way to this organization I have had questions about almost everything and they have not all been positive. I would shrug it off as just my overprotective, judgmental, perfectionistic personality but it maybe more to it.
The more questions that I ask and things that I point out I wonder if this is a sign to say that I am not ready to be a part of an organization with this type of responsibility. When I ask questions about certain things I get a lot of push back and it normally turns out that my points were valid. I take my role seriously and want to do things in a spirit of excellence but I am not sure if that is enough.
I get frustrated and begin to point out things and say that I am going to say something. Then when I get there I look at the founder and just settle down. smh I know. I know. I am probably doing her and the organization a disservice but I don’t feel like my voice is heard and think that the founder may take my questions or suggestions as personal. I don’t want my name attached to something that I can’t clarify or explain in simple terms. I don’t want my name attached to something that is not fiscally responsible. I don’t want my name attached to something that does not consider the bigger picture or the purpose of a thing.
Is this passion for excellence or me not ready for the challenge that comes with working with an organization through it’s growing pain stage? I don’t know. I wish I knew or maybe I do. I did pray about it. Maybe, I just don’t want to except the answer. hmmmmm
Oh well. Just another day’s journey of trying figure out if I am simply not ready. Peace.