What are you sacrificing in your desperation?

Genesis 25:29-33 Now Jacob cooked a stew; and Esau came in from the field, and he was weary. And Esau said to Jacob, “Please feed me with that same red stew, for I am weary.” Therefore his name was called Edom. But Jacob said, “Sell me your birthright as of this day.” And Esau said, “Look, I am about to die; so what is this birthright to me?” Then Jacob said, “Swear to me as of this day.” So he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob.

Recently my church had a guest minister that preached a sermon entitled “Have You Inquired of the Lord?” This message has been on my mind almost every day since I first heard it. The short version is that we should always check with God before we do anything even when we mess up and need direction out of the mess. This message made me reflect back on decisions that I have made in the past and did not “inquire of the Lord.”

The most major decision that keeps coming back to me was my change in jobs while I was supposed to be working on my Masters. I clearly felt that coming to this organization was not right for me at that time but I brushed off that strange feeling by saying, “that’s just because of the hiring manager was my former manager at the other place that I was leaving.” (Warning noise unnoticed) I justified leaving where I was because the hours were better and I could see my children during the week. I ignored that feeling because I was desperate to have my way in the moment. I had not considered what that would mean to getting my Masters within the timeframe I had in mind. There were other signs that came but I ignored them all.

I was like Esau who had come out of the field, weary and tired. He had been working so hard hunting his prey that when he returned all he wanted was to be refreshed, renewed, and replenished. I was looking for that feeling in my new job but I had not “inquired of the Lord.” It’s almost three years later at the new organization where I heard and saw the warning signals not to come and I have not completed my Masters. I was so desperate to make things happen in my life on my own time that I forgot to consult God about His plan. Now I am left to pick up the pieces.

The reason that I am sharing is because after all that I had experienced I still had not learned my lesson. Desperate again to make things happen in my life, I had not inquired of the Lord again. It took having a conversation with trusted colleague to simply remind me to be still and hear God speak. Ironically she was talking about something else but I heard God loud and clear on this one. I do not want to hand over another thing because of my desperation. I am going to sit my desperate self down and wait to hear from God before my next move. 

What things have you handed over out of desperation?

Just another day’s journey of learning how to not to sacrifice the wrong thing out of desperation. Peace.

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